To people who are an administrative customer service nightmare

I’ve worked with the people for long enough to know that success in the workplace is about knowing that for the person asking it, their question is the most important one in the world. You should know I am damn good at being helpful and considerate of this fact, speaking in soothing tones, etc.

All things considered, it is very difficult not to reply with an email dripping with sass when a long-time academic (who can, in all probability, READ and LISTEN) decides to passive-aggressive email you about something you’ve already given them an answer to, with a cc- to someone much higher up the food chain, because they just didn’t like the answer you gave them the first time.

I don’t make shit up about who to submit a form to for sign-off to fuck with your world. I can affect the pay cycle and your superannuation, motherfucker. Why would I bother lying to you about who is responsible for signing off on your form? It’s not me who is meant to do it. It’s not me who even needs to see it’s been signed at all. I don’t care if an illiterate pirate signs it with an X.

Also, if this was so damned urgent, why is it pertaining to something from 2013? That is 3 actual years ago. Your semblance of urgency is ridiculous to me. Go and think about your choices.

And me? I will be waiting until Wednesday to reply to your email, because if I were to write back this afternoon, I’d hurt your stupid feelings.

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