To aspirational Instagrammers/Facebookers who make me think I’m doing it wrong

Hey kids,

Cool it on the perfection, the inspiration, the aspirations, the hashtag glory. I’ve been trying to keep up for ages and now I’m a bit over it. I’ve come up with a list of suggestions I’d like to see you whack a filter on – let’s call it a ten-day challenge:

  1. Post argument #selfie with your significant other before making up, when you’re both wondering if you really need this shit
  2. Close-up of snotty tears face just after crying at Grey’s Anatomy/P.S. I Love You/video of any sort of animal being reunited with its animal friend or family
  3. Ad-hoc catalogue of pointless, passive-aggressive work emails sent about people’s dishes in the kitchen area
  4. Daily play count of catchy pop song in style of Bieber’s “Sorry”/Rihanna’s “Bitch Better Have My Money” interpreted into graph, relative to day of the week and blood sugar levels
  5. Cups of tea, in no particular order, in a 3 x 3 grid
  6. Short video of just-missed bus as it pulls away
  7. Pile of never-read books in order of literary street credibility: most impressive at the bottom of the stack
  8. Bitten-nails manicure on stubby fingered man hands, with a French twist
  9. Bar graph representations of how many times a person at a desk job hits their Enter key/smacks their forehead to the desk in a day
  10. Error messages as inspirational quotations

And…. go.

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